DO YOU LIKE BIRTHDAY SEX?
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Birthdays. They come and go every year and there's no stopping them. At least not on your drivers license. Today, I turn 31. Yup, you got that right, 31. And you know what? I'm ready for some fun!
3 decades later, I've learned a lot about myself. A lot about the crazy shit that can happen to my body. Because let's face it. I ain't 16 anymore. My brain thinks it is, but my body, eh, that's a different story.
- where the hell did this gray hair come from?!
- what's this lump on my ass? Seriously, I know it wasn't there before.
- some mornings I feel like I need an oil can to get going
- hair growing in places I never knew existed.I won't even go there.
- shedding a shit ton of hair on my head; what happened to my thick locks?! <sigh>
- why are my eyebrows looking thin? geez
- going from energizer bunny to a sloth's pace; I'm lucky enough if I can make it past 9pm
- brain-fog, huh?
People tell me I shouldn't be this open to you. Literally, airing out my dirty laundry. But you know what, I think it's a gift. To be real with you and share some of my hardest moments in life. Cause I've got problems. Who doesn't? You and I both know no matter how hard you work at life, shit still happens. So here it is. I'm about to get best friend personal with you. Don't judge.
Sex feels good. It should feel good anyway. That's what the pornos make you think, right? I don't think so my friend. Real sex isn't going at it for hours then finally exploding with buckets amounts of you know what. Sex doesn't always have to be doing the nasty. Sex is personal, intimate and meaningful. And it should never be painful. Ever.
I love my job. I help people have better sex! Oh yea! But to be honest, I couldn't really relate because I never knew what it was like to have pain with sex. Until last year when having sex sucked.
Before I turned 30, sex was gratifying for me. I wanted it all the time, you'd think I was the guy in the relationship. My husband called me a nympho. So it's only appropriate to have a "position of the day" specially for my birthday.
It all sounds good so far doesn't it? Then one day, it wasn't so fun anymore.
I don't know what it is about turning 30, but that's when shit hit the fan so to say. Sex was uncomfortable and painful, which freaked me out. I thought to myself, "I can't have pain with sex, I'm a pelvic floor therapist for christ sake!" This felt different and it gave me anxiety. So I kinda avoided it like anyone would've done.
The times when I did try to go at it, it felt worse sorta like my vagina was made of sand paper. It literally took my breath away and not in a good way. I tried to play it off like it was nothing but Luke knew something was up. You mean to tell me that my grimacing face isn't sexy? The jig was up. We had to talk. I gave him the "it's not you it's me" But I wasn't lying, my vagina was just not cooperating. Why was she striking? What the hell was going on?
And here's my confession. Lemme back up the story. Life was a mess between 29 and 30. I was busy planning a wedding and starting a new business, got rear ended by a semi-truck, adopted a new puppy, hectically studying for my pelvic certification, oh and on top of it all, I was still taking about 10 continuing education classes per year. I was stressed. Ready to pull all my hair out. Hey, maybe that's where all my thick luscious locks went?
Ahhhh stress... the reason for everything. I wasn't taking care of myself. I let the daily grind get the best of me. My sleep patterns sucked and my mind wouldn't shut up. I was too busy to drink water, let alone remember to take a piss. I was missing the S.O.S. signals my body was giving me. Sex was painful and I felt this constant burning fullness in the pit of my belly. I feared I'd get another UTI. I had a lot of those in my earlier days. Worst pain ever. So I had stacks of UTI at home test strips ready to go in my bathroom cabinet. Luke couldn't touch me with a 10 foot pole if he wanted to. Something had to give. I wasn't about to live my life down this spiraling cascade of torturous pelvic agony. No more excuses, I had to own up to my health. Practice what I preach.
I started doing yoga again. Needed something to down regulate my nervous system. I made an inventory of my "want-to-do-list", cutting out all the shit that didn't matter. I love cooking but at the time it felt like such a drag, so I asked for help. I outsourced my meals, reaching out to a local personal chef, Christy Kabbani. She helped detox and nourish my body back to health using food as medicine. Her food was sexy, gluten-free, sugar-free and dairy-free. Anything to decrease the inflammation in my body. Let me tell you, being healthy is a full time gig but over time it gets so much easier. If you want to heal yourself, you gotta start from the inside.
Ok, so what about this crazy stress called life? My mind just wouldn't shut up, no matter how many times I cried, kicked, and screamed at it. Luckily, because I'm so head-over-heels for learning, I stumbled across an awesome opportunity to study with the Integrative Women's Health Institute. Besides just having some more letters after my name, I've already gotten my money's worth. I've learned the art of taking care of myself. I felt empowered to take back control of my own health. Trusting in my body's inner wisdom to heal. And this my friends, is priceless.
The crème de la crème came with Dr. Lisa, my soul coach. When the big BUT shows up in the room she says “BUT...”But nothing! You create your vibe by your story and that “not enough” attitude will get you no where." Snapping me outta my funk and back to my goddess life reality.
Life's like pulling weeds. You gotta pull out the entire root so the shit doesn't grow back. And sometimes the damn thing grows back with a vengeance. But you just have go at it again, ruthless right back at it.
You got to have blissipline. Blissipline? Is that even a word? It's a word for me and I love it. I love it so much that I created a word orgy. Words to live by and guide my daily practice.
You're probably asking yourself, well this is all fine and dandy but what the hell does it mean?
Here's what it stands for:
Breathe- if all you do today is breathe, its ok. Practice deep belly breathing often. It helps stimulate the calming nervous system.
Laugh- laughing is therapeutic. You can't laugh and cry at the same time. Ok well maybe when you laugh so hard you cry but this is ok.
Invest- investing in your health is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself
Silence- take 5 min out of your day to be in the moment, practice mindfulness. Meditate don't medicate.
Stretch- gentle stretching helps increase circulation, improves mental health and flexibility. Think of it as the oil can helping you get moving.
Intuition- trust in your body’s inner wisdom to heal. Follow your gut when making decisions about your health. Remember, you’re your own best healthcare provider.
Positiveness- your perspective is everything! If you think it, it must be true.
Let go- relax, let loose, and treat yourself. Even if it’s wearing a sexy pair of underwear You're in the drivers seat of your life, so choose the road with the panoramic views.
Ink- there’s something about writing it down on paper. Keeping a journal helps cope with anxiety and stress improving your overall mental clarity and wellness.
Nourish- eat real food and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! Eliminate sugars, processed foods, and artificial preservatives. Use food as your medicine.
Exercise- add in a little bit of light activity to your day. This could range anywhere from taking a leisurely walk to just putting the dishes away. Make “exercise” fun and modify it to your lifestyle. It doesn't have to be a drag.
And there you have it. Blissipline.
So now I'm 31 and I think wiser. It's just the beginning for me. I'm changing and change feels liberating. I realized that I've got to put my own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Ain't that the truth.
Ya, ya, ya Susie, but get back to the sex part. What's it like now? Let's just say I've got my mojo back <insert smiley face emoji here> Sex is great again and I'm not just saying that for a happy ending. Oops no pun intended. haha.