Men can have painful sex too! It’s not just something women experience, although it’s socially stigmatized this way.

If you’re a man experiencing pain during sex know that you’re not alone. In fact, 1 in every 6 men will experience pelvic pain at some point in their lives.

There’s a dilemma between what you want to happen, and the anticipatory fear of pain during sex. The protective mechanism is always there to protect you: it’s automatic and anticipatory, but you’re still able to define your values around sex and communicate your needs and concerns as a man experiencing pain during sex. 

You deserve to feel comfortable in your body during sex.

You have the right to veto any sexual activity that is painful, but vetoing doesn’t mean avoiding any sexual intimacy.

How can you start to see your partner(s) as an intimate, erotic ally? What else might you feel comfortable doing to still share in a mutually pleasurable sexual experience instead of pressure or performance-oriented sex?

Keep your focus on reinforcing positive and pleasure-oriented sexual experiences. This will challenge you to adopt a flexible sexual repertoire and ditch the social-sexual scripts that emphasize intercourse as the “gold standard” for sex. Sex may include intercourse but it’s not defined by or limited to intercourse.

The context of painful sex is interconnected with social, cultural, and relationship values. How do you define your values around sex?

Regaining intimate pleasure begins with rediscovering pleasure in your entire life and challenging traditional views around men and sex: this guide is a springboard to get started alone and with your partner(s).

Talli Rosenbaum is an individual and couple therapist and is certified as a sex therapist by The American Association for Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), as well as the Israeli Society for Sex Therapy (ISST). She co-hosts the Intimate Judaism podcast and is co-author of the book “I am For My Beloved: A Guide to Enhanced Intimacy for Married Couples.”  and co-edited the Springer textbook entitled “The Overactive Pelvic Floor.” She has authored over 40  journal articles and several book chapters on sexual pain disorders, sexual health, unconsummated marriage, and sexuality, and Judaism and is an associate editor of the Sexual Medicine Reviews. In addition to maintaining an active private practice, Talli is the academic advisor for Yahel: The Center for Jewish Intimacy. Talli frequently lectures both in Israel and abroad, to lay as well as professional audiences.

Connect with Tallie

Website: https://tallirosenbaum.com/

Professional online courses and audios: https://tallirosenbaum.com/store/Intimate

Judaism Podcast: https://www.intimatejudaism.com/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tallirosenbaum/

Instagram: @tallirosenbaum 

Resources

Blog post referenced: https://tallirosenbaum.com/2018/12/14/the-pelvic-floor-keeps-the-score/

Article referenced “Fulfilling his needs, not mine:” https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31551190/

This information is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a healthcare professional with any questions you may have regarding treatment, medications/supplements, or any medical diagnoses. This information is intended for educational purposes only and is in no way to substitute the advice of a licensed healthcare professional.