SCIENCE OF SEX

PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER:

Get back to pleasure (on your own or by spicing up the bedroom!) by creating mind to muscle memories with Dr. Jess’ steps:

- Revisit your anatomy and how the muscles down there function

- Tone the pelvic floor with physical exercises

- Use a mindfulness practice to tune into your hormonal and chemical response to arousal

- Create new associations to tune “into” pleasure by learning different ways of touching your body, visualizations, breath meditations, emotional presence, and sensual focus

- Practice communicating effectively outside the bedroom

I had such a fun chat with Dr. Jess O’Reilly, and we’ve got everything you want to know about having amazing sex and powering up your relationship!

Here’s the lowdown on the down below:

We bust the soulmate myth, name the big issues for couples, and dive into the science of sex so that you can experience more and more pleasure! Get back to sexual pleasure with:

• Mindfulness, deep breathing, visualization, sensory experiences, emotional presence, and sensual focus to improve your hard-on

• Tuning into so-called negative emotions like jealousy, insecurity and sadness

• Treating your relationship like a career and putting in the effort

Just like your career, your relationship requires effort! The big issues that couples find difficult navigating through, are:

• Sex

• Money 

• Kids

• Time

• Technology

Dr. Jess and I ticked off three items on the list in this episode. These big issues are not deal breakers in your relationship. Instead, we’ll show you how to communicate your needs in an effective way and reframe complaints as requests.

Technology is an amazing thing, it connects us and has the potential to enhance relationships. Yet, the reality it that the mere presence of a piece of technology in the room can detract from:

• Communication

• Trust

• Intimacy

• Connection

• Focus

If you want to change this area of your sex life, here’s how Dr. Jess would put it: “I would really appreciate it if we left our phones downstairs Monday - Thursday so that we can feel connected. Because I feel like we’re going to be more affectionate, have more sex, and feel closer.”

Finding pleasure in sex, and being able to communicate about sex, all comes back to your ability to communicate about everything else, and treating people with:

• Honestly

• Equality

• Respect

Ask yourself what you have a hard time saying “yes” to (like a glass of orange juice at a friend’s house), what you have a hard time requesting someone do for you (like help with mowing the lawn)? Start by accepting what you want and asking for what you need. When your ready to communicate about sex, Dr. Jess recommends the three F’s of communication: frequencies, feelings, fantasies.

If you find yourself asking how much time you spend together, the root cause of this question is a feeling and requires an inward lens: it’s easier to get angry at someone else than yourself. Dr. Jess reminds us that you can make requests of your partner, but it’s also about looking outside your relationship to find other sources of fulfillment. One person cannot fulfill all of your practical, social, sexual, and spiritual needs: and that’s okay. It’s also okay to have conversations that aren’t perfect when you're navigating through these big issues.

Dr. Jess said it best: “compatibility isn’t necessarily something you FIND it’s something you CULTIVATE.”

Listen to all the juicy details, get ready to laugh, and get back to the boom boom room!

Jessica O’Reilly (AKA Dr. Jess) is an award-winning sex and relationship expert and the founder of Happier Couples Inc. which provides relationship education (online and via retreats) to couples across the globe. Catch Dr. Jess’ on Global TV’s The Morning Show and the weekly Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast co-hosted by her much-better-half, Brandon Ware.

Check out Sex With Dr. Jess, join Dr. Jess for a course on Happier Couples (I recommend her course Last Longer in Bed: 6 Steps To Master Premature Ejaculation), and follow along with her travels and ultra informative posts on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook

This information is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a healthcare professional with any questions you may have regarding treatment, medications/supplements, or any medical diagnoses. This information is intended for educational purposes only and is in no way to substitute the advice of a licensed healthcare professional.