PLEASURE AFTER PAINFUL SEX
Discovering pleasure and joy beyond penetrative sex can help alleviate genital pain in men. In my conversation with Heather Edwards, we dive into redefining sex, strategies to ease pain in and out of the bedroom, and how clinicians can make their practice more gender inclusive and positive.
Exploring new definitions of sex, intimacy, and pleasure beyond sex = penis -> vagina. New perspectives help ease the distress of being unable to have penetrative sex and create new opportunities to explore sex as mutual pleasure.
There’s no one way to be intimate and have sex.
First, get your physical body feeling better and how to manage your pain; at the same time, explore definitions of pleasure and what feels good to you.
Scents, experiences, places, sounds. What brings a sense of pleasure and joy to your body? Imagine it.
Start by exploring touch and what physical sensations feel good for you:
What are your preferences for pleasure?
What feels warm and welcoming?
Can you slowly start to move towards pleasure sensations close to and on the genitals?
Start creating boundaries and exploring what feels good first. Reconnect with your sexual identity as a pleasurable being and not just your genitals.
Map your exploration to visualize what sensations good and where on the body it’s pleasurable.
Communicate with your partner:
Choose a time separate from moments of intimacy and have a separate conversation in a laid back setting: over a cup of coffee, while snuggled on the couch after a movie ends, or while laying in bed with the lights our the night before.
Share your expectations and concerns and ask your partner to do the same:
What feels good
What you’d like to do
What you’d like your partner to do
How your partner (and you) can recognize when something is enjoyable, want to switch things up, or when things aren’t going well
Past experiences and how they went
Heather Edwards (she/they) has been a pelvic physical therapist since 2003 and is one of only a few AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) certified sexuality counselors in the world. As an artist, she has a line of coloring books, The Crotch Enthusiast Series, that blend playfulness with genital anatomy to creation nonbinary, whimsical works that are inviting and educational. As an event producer, she creates and hosts an adult sex ed event series in Asheville, NC called Vino & Vulvas. You can check out the 2019 season online through www.vinoandvulvas.com. She also teaches professionally for Pelvic Guru on topics of transgender pelvic health and sexuality counseling. Find her courses at
Facebook: Heather Reich Edwards
Facebook: Vino & Vulvas
Instagram: @heatheredwardscreations
Instagram: @vinoandvulvas
Email: info@heatheredwardscreations.com
Vino & Vulvas Season 2019 Season
Purchase Heather’s adult coloring books:
Important Parts: A Coloring Book for the Crotch Enthusiast
The Inside Story: Another Coloring Book for the Crotch Enthusiast
Nonbinary Crotch Illustrations for Pelvic Health Professionals and Sex Educators
This information is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a healthcare professional with any questions you may have regarding treatment, medications/supplements, or any medical diagnoses. This information is intended for educational purposes only and is in no way to substitute the advice of a licensed healthcare professional.
