WHY SEX HURTS: DYSPAREUNIA EXPLAINED + TIPS FOR PAIN-FREE PLEASURE
Let’s be honest—sex is supposed to feel good. It’s meant to be a source of pleasure, connection, and intimacy. So when sex starts to feel more like a medieval torture scene than a romantic moment, something’s not right.
If you’ve ever experienced pain during sex—or you’re with a partner who has—this post is for you. Today, we’re shedding light on a condition that often hides in the shadows: dyspareunia, or painful intercourse. It’s more common than most people realize, and you are not alone.
What Is Dyspareunia?
Dyspareunia (pronounced dy-spuh-ROO-nee-uh) is a medical term for pain during or after vaginal penetration. That pain can show up in a lot of different ways. For some, it’s a sharp, burning sensation right at the vaginal opening. For others, it’s a deep, aching pain that lingers long after sex. Some describe it as a jolt—like their uterus just got uppercutted. Yikes.
And here’s the thing: this pain is real. It’s not “in your head.” It’s not about being frigid or broken or dramatic. It’s a valid signal from your body (and sometimes your nervous system) saying, “Hey, something’s up!”
Why Does Sex Hurt?
There’s no one-size-fits-all reason. Dyspareunia can be caused by a wide range of physical, emotional, and psychological factors. Here are a few common contributors:
• Vaginal dryness (especially during menopause, postpartum, or with certain medications)
• Pelvic floor muscle tension or dysfunction
• Infections or skin conditions
• Endometriosis or other gynecological conditions
• Past trauma, anxiety, or emotional stress
Many of these factors overlap or feed into each other. That’s why it’s so important to take a whole-person approach—not just a “take this pill and call it a day” kind of solution.
You Are Not Broken
Before we go any further, let me say this loud and clear:
You are not broken. You are not alone. And you 1000% deserve a sex life that feels safe, pleasurable, and empowering.
If painful sex has you feeling ashamed, disconnected, or hopeless, you’re not imagining things. And there are things you can do to reclaim your pleasure.
Dyspareunia Is a Shared Experience—So Let’s Talk About It
Even though this blog post is for everyone, I want to speak directly to those of you with penises for a moment.
If your partner is dealing with dyspareunia, how do you show up in that moment? How do you stay erotic, connected, and supportive when your usual definition of sex is off the table?
That’s the kind of stuff we get into in my latest YouTube video, where I’m joined by my former practice colleague, Lainie Givens, OTR/L. She talks through dyspareunia from a medical and emotional lens—what it is, what to look out for, and some strategies for supporting both yourself and your partner.
Whether you’re in a relationship or simply want to better understand the nuances of sexual pain, this video is a great starting point for compassion, curiosity, and connection.
👉 Watch the video here
A Few Tips if You’re Navigating Dyspareunia
While the full video covers more in-depth strategies and guidance, here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Get Curious, Not Judgmental
If sex hurts, pause and ask why. Curiosity invites understanding, while judgment only deepens shame.
2. Communication is Key
Whether you’re experiencing the pain or supporting someone who is, open communication is everything. Validate each other’s experiences and talk about what does feel good—even if it’s outside the usual “script” for sex.
3. Redefine What Sex Means
Penetration isn’t the only way to experience intimacy or pleasure. Expanding your erotic menu can take the pressure off and open the door to new kinds of connection.
4. Consider Seeing a Pelvic Floor Therapist
Trained pelvic health providers can assess and treat physical contributors to dyspareunia. That might include muscle tension, nerve sensitivity, or movement patterns that affect pelvic function.
5. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Sexual pain can be isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Whether it’s through therapy, medical support, or educational spaces like this one—you’re allowed to get help.
You’re Not Alone
If you’re navigating painful sex, you’ve probably been told things like “just relax” or “have a glass of wine.” Maybe you’ve been dismissed, misdiagnosed, or made to feel like your pain wasn’t real. I hear it all the time from patients and community members—and it pisses me off.
Your pain is valid. Your pleasure matters. And you deserve providers who treat you with dignity and curiosity.
The good news? There are real solutions. And it starts with education, communication, and a willingness to reimagine what sex can look and feel like.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
If this post hit home for you, I invite you to dive deeper with me on Patreon. That’s where I post uncensored how-to content, live Q&As, and behind-the-scenes insights that I can’t share on mainstream platforms. It’s a judgment-free zone for anyone curious about pelvic and sexual health.
🔗 Join the community on Patreon
And if you want to explore more free resources, check out my website at https://drsusieg.com. You’ll find blogs, recommended tools, and ways to work with me directly.
Medical Disclaimer: This blog is for educational purposes only and does not substitute for personalized medical advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider for individualized assessment and care.
